Tiny Little Bugs
by smilelaughread
Summary: Draco's got lice! Will he choose to shave off his beautiful hair or choose to have Granger as his nurse for the next few weeks? Eighth year fic. On HIATUS until I sort some of my other stories out.
1. Chapter 1

**Hmm, I always seem to forget to include this, as I think it is painfully obvious. _I do NOT own anything you'd recognize._**

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><p>"Please excuse the interruption!" shouted Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress of Hogwarts. "I have just received some dreadful news from Popp-Madam Pomfrey. Please allow her to speak, and then you may get back to your meals."<p>

Draco rolled his eyes as the uptight old bat straightened her robes, pursed her lips, and then gestured to the school's healer to begin her speech. There were a few worried mumbles going around the room, but everyone had their eyes glued to the front of the large hall.

"Students, I regret to inform you that there has been a recent outbreak of lice." Said Pomfrey, staring at her audience with an ever-so-serious expression plastered on her awfully ugly face.

Draco was confused. What the hell was Lice? Was it a group of Voldemort-supporters? If it was, why wasn't McGonagall giving everyone the news instead of Pomfrey? His eyes scanned the large room, and he noticed that a lot of the mudbloods and half-bloods were looking horrified, while the others – mixed-bloods and Purebloods – were unaffected by the news, and looked bored.

The healer seemed to realize that the vast majority of students had no idea what she was talking about, so she continued, "Lice are little bugs that feed on human blood. They live in your hair, though there are varieties that live on your skin. If they were normal, I would be able to cast a spell on them, and they'd all be gone." Draco got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach; this was going to be bad news. "However, they have been brought in by the death eaters and their giants and other magical creatures. That means these lice have been feeding on _magical_ blood, making them magical as well. They have resisted my spells, so everyone will be going through a head and hair search. Notify an adult if your head feels itchy."

Everyone sat in silence as the news sank in. The general mood of the room seemed to say _"This is a disaster! There are little vampire-bugs waiting to feed on me. Aahh!"_

Draco smirked. No bug would be stupid enough to feed on a Pureblood's, well, blood. He expressed his thoughts to Nott, who was sitting beside him, and pretty soon, the majority of the Slytherin table was wearing smiles and I'm-so-above-you grins.

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><p>"But, Madam Pomfrey, you don't need to check <em>my <em>hair, I wash it every day. You need to be checking the mudbl-muggleborns. They are dirty, it's a well-known fact, and they are likely to attract bugs!"

Draco, along with the other Slytherin eighth-years, chuckled. Pansy's screeches could be heard from outside the infirmary.

The day after the announcement was made at dinner, the searches began. Classes were suspended – much to all of the students' glee – for the time being, and the Professors were given a crash-course on looking for lice. The Professors, armed with hairnets and gloves, called in the first years – first the Gryffindors, the Slytherins, the Ravenclaws, then the Hufflepuffs. Once students of that year were cleared, they were told to stay away from the second years and older students. They then moved onto the second years, searching by house. It continued in that fashion until finally, three days later, it was the eighth-year Slytherins' turn.

Much to Draco's dismay, Pansy's protests weren't being accepted, and more students were being called in. To pass the time, Draco tried to remember who had been caught with lice so far.

He didn't really know any names, but he knew that people from every house had been found with lice, even Slytherins, proving Draco's theory wrong. There were significantly less younger kids with lice. It seemed that the older students – ones who had participated in the battle – had been exposed to lice more than the younger students, which made sense. He knew for a fact that Granger didn't have lice, nor did Potter, but Weasel… Draco chuckled. Weasel-bee had been searched, and Snape, the one searching Weasley's hair, had found signs of lice. Unfortunately, the Weasley girl hadn't been found with lice. It would have been dreadfully amusing if the only Weasleys at Hogwarts had both had lice.

"Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Daphne Greengrass!" called Pomfrey.

Draco exchanged looks with Theo and Daphne, and they stepped into the infirmary. It was a mess. There were students crying, some had some sort of goo spread over their scalp, others were scratching at their heads. There were, of course, some who seemed to be there for no reason at all; they were sitting and reading, or writing on pieces of parchment – doing their homework.

He sat in the chair in front of Pomfrey, and she began sifting through his hair with two sticks, separating the strands and inspecting them closely. She was taking her sweet time, and Draco felt the strange urge to itch his head. _It's just the power of suggestion_, he told himself, _nothing more._

A full twenty minutes later – yes, Draco had been counting off the seconds – Madam Pomfrey was done.

"Mister Malfoy," she said in a tone that betrayed the bad news. "I need to ask you to stay here for a few days."

He vaguely heard Theo being told something similar, and he definitely heard Daphne's sigh of relief, but he didn't want to hear anything. He wanted to die! How embarrassing, to have lice. There must be a mistake.

He opened his mouth to say as much to the Evil One, Madam Pomfrey, but she shushed him.

"Malfoy, I'm serious. Go lie in that" she pointed to an empty bed "cot."

He went to go lie down, planning on feeling sorry for himself for the duration of his stay, but there was an even more unpleasant surprise waiting.

He lay in the cot, and closed his eyes. Soon after, he heard footsteps – no, wait! - a _pair_ of footsteps making their way to him. Pomfrey spoke first. "Mister Malfoy. As I stated at dinner yesterday, magical methods of getting rid of these little beasts aren't working, meaning we will be employing some muggle ways."

Draco, eyes still firmly closed, nodded.

"The professors, however, can't hold off their classes to help me any longer, so I have asked some students to help me here in the infirmary. These five or six students are at the top of their classes, so their Professors have let me, er, _borrow _them for the time being. Your "nurse" is in your year, so I'm sure you'll get along." Pomfrey didn't sound completely convinced by her own words, which made Draco feel slightly worried. Who was this person, if it made the healer sound so unsure of herself? It couldn't possibly be a Hufflepuff, could it?

Madam Pomfrey mumbled something, presumably to the person beside her. Draco caught the words "introduce yourself".

"Hey, Malfoy. I'm going to be your nurse for the next little while."

His eyes popped open in shock when he realized how familiar the voice sounded. _Please, please, please don't be…_ "Hello Granger."

_**TBC…**_

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><p><strong><em>Hi! So this is my audidion fanfic for the Fanfiction F A C T O R over at HPFC, though I'm definitely going to continue the story sometime in the future. <em>**

**_Review?_**


	2. Day One

Day One

Draco stared up at the celing after he woke up, not wanting to risk being noticed by Granger. She was Enemy Number Two, second only to Pomfrey. He had stayed up far longer than usual last night, thinking about how his reputation would certainly be ruined once word of his incarceration got out. That led to his current half-sleepy, half-awake state. He didn't feel like yelling or arguing with anyone at the moment. Unfortunately, Enemy Number Two noticed he was awake. She hurried over to his cot, and Draco listened intently, as he was too weary to turn his head to look at her.

Granger seemed to take offence at his behaviour, and tutted nervously. He searched his brain for a memory of someone else _tutting nervously_, but found none. She was strange, and this odd habit only made him even more unsure of her sanity.

"Malfoy!" she hissed, impressing him slightly. She may be stange, but she hissed under her breath like a pro. Err, what? "Look at me now!"

"And if I don't want to?" He mentally kicked himself for his worthy-of-a-first-year comeback. He shut his eyes tightly when he heard her chuckle sarcastically.

"Wow Malfoy, I'm impressed. How long have you been working on _that_ one?"

He almost smirked, but caught himself just in time. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting them to be subjected to the ugly sight that was Granger, and turned his head to the right - the direction her voice was coming from.

"What do you want, Granger?" he snarled.

"Someone's touchy this morning. On your period, are you?"

"Gah! Gross Granger!"

She chuckled again. It was a low chuckle, but distinctly feminine... if that was even remotely possible.

"Malfoy, sit up. I need to comb through your hair for lice."

"No!"

"Fine." Draco heard Hermione spin on her heel, and then begin walking away. He was confused; wasn't she supposed to be his nurse and take care of him?"

He wanted to - and at the same time, didn't want to - get rid of Granger.

Even though he knew he shouldn't be saying anything other than "Good", he found himself calling out behind her. "Granger! Stop. What do you mean "fine"? Aren't you supposed to be helping me get better?"

His eyes popped open to see her reaction. She turned back to him and he watched as her emotions - confusion, anger, anoyance, and resignation - flickered over her features, until she adopted a very clinical facial expression. He watched as she _accio_ed a chair.

"Sit."

"Don't boss me around." he complained.

"Fine. I can leave if you want."

"Fine, go. I don't want you here, mudblood."

"You called me back, smartass. Anyway, I don't really think you want me to leave. The other helpers have their hands full for the time being, and if you don't want my help, we'll have to shave your head."

Draco looked confused. "If that helps get rid of lice, why don't we shave everyone's heads and then grow their hair back with magic?"

She gestured to the chair, "I'll tell you if you sit."

He sat. "What do I do now?"

"I'm going to comb through your hair with this." she showed him a little comb "The teeth are close together, so when I pull it through your hair, lice get stuck and I pull them out."

"Yeah, yeah. Tell me why I am sitting through this."

She sighed, and then got to work. Her hands began sorting through his hair, parting it oddly. "You see. These are magical lice, right? The normal lifespan is nearly a month. If we were to shave your head and grow it all back, the lice would still be on your head."

"Why can't you pick them off while I'm b-bald?"

"Hmm... Madam Pomfrey said something... I can't.. Umm-Oh! She said that they can see better when the human is bald - obviously, there's no hair in the way - and then they can see when we're about to pick them off. They turn invisible. If we wash them, they will burrow into your head." she said.

"Eww." Draco felt grossed out. The bugs on his head could stay there for a month!

"Yeah, I know."

"What are you doing?" he asked, curious. He couldn't feel the comb anymore, and was almost missing its massage.

"Oh, I found a few lice and I'm pulling them off your head now. Don't move."

Draco froze suddenly. She had found some, it was official. "Did the Death Eaters really bring the lice?"

"Yeah. It's a well-known fact to anyone who has read anything about giants-" she began in a teacher-y voice.

"Only you." he smirked. Draco's brain was finally awake, and he could actually make up something rude to say to her. But... was that really something mean, or was had he said it in a nice tone? He could not remember.

"Wow, thanks, I think. As I was saying, everyone knows lice love giants. I have no idea why, as no one has really researched it, but it's a fact. You know... I should look it up. Ayhow, the Death Eaters all associated with each other, including the ones who interacted with the giants. Normally lice don't jump or fly, they crawl, but hel-lo, they're magical. That means they can go from person to person more easily than muggle lice." she finished her mini-lecture slightly out of breath.

"Oh. Aren't you worried?" he asked, forgetting for a moment that he was supposed to act like a true Slytherin in her presence.

"About getting lice, no. About being your nurse, yes."

"I see-wait, what?"

"Now you see, Madam Pomfrey is a very smart lady, so none of the lice will be able to jump from person to person in here, as she put a spell on this room. You can have friends visit, if you want."

"Are you crazy?" he nearly whirled around, but remembered that her hands were currently tangling themselves in his hair. It would be rather painful to have his hair ripped out. "I would be a laughingstock!"

"Don't they already know you are in here, because you did not come out after the lice check?"

Draco nodded, looking defeated.

"Wait, you said you were worried about being assigned as my nurse... why?" Draco could not really understand why he felt the need to ask.

"I-err-I. Well, Malfoy, you've never been nice to me, why shouldn't I be worried?"

He looked properly ashamed, and Hermione seemed to take his silence as defeat. They sat in silence as Hermione raked through his hair. She stopped occaisionally to pull something out, and half an hour later, they were finally done.

She stood up, carrying a few things with her.

Something inside Draco made him turn. When she saw how she was fumbling with all of her things, practically juggling them to try and pull her wand out, he felt something force him to offer his assistance.

"Need some help, Granger?" no one said he had to do it nicely!

She looked suspicious, but handed him the bowl full of water. There were flecks of black in it and...

"Eew!" he shrieked in a way that was _not_ girly at all. "Are those the... the lice?" he whispered the word in disgust.

Hermione nodded, evidentally very amused.

"Help me take this to the counter over there" she pointed to the counter against the wall. It had a sink, and he dropped the bowl full of, ugh, head bugs there.

Draco was about to go to hide under the covers in worry that Hermione would ask about his kindness, but slipped on the floor, tripped over his own foot, fell forward, quickly rebalanced himself, and noticed too late that he had overdone it. Draco fell on his butt.

Laughter came from the cots around him, and he felt his face - pale as usual - fill with blood. There was heat, and he knew that he looked the colour of Weasley's hair. Someone walked up behind him.

"Need some help, Malfoy?" he wondered if she was making fun of him, but was grateful for her helping hand anyway.

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><p><strong>I hope you all enjoyed this, please review!<strong>

**In other news, I have not forgotten about my other WIPs, but I have been having some difficulties with thinking up an ending... I'm also participating in NaNoWriMo, so I'm extremely busy this month. :D**

**So... yeah. The next chapter should be up sooner rather than later. **

**Question: should I make this end soon (as in, a few chapters from now), or should I actually try to make this a story?**

**Thanks for reading!**


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